


Wedding number 75

by strawberry_cider



Series: PinotPurple fics [7]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Drunkness, Everybody Lives, Gen, Nobody is Dead, One Shot, Short, Sort Of, Statement Fic, Swearing, elias and peter's wedding, elias and peter's wedding is a social event among avatars, jon gets drunk, jon is an emotional drunk, sasha gets drunk, simon fairchild holds a toast, there probably typos in here i just wrote it and posted it rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_cider/pseuds/strawberry_cider
Summary: "The bar’s right next to us. Elias knows us so well!"
Series: PinotPurple fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040973
Comments: 16
Kudos: 127





	Wedding number 75

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this this morning in, like, half an hour, after having a dream about it last night. Hope you'll like it <3

[click]

[sounds of people talking, instrumental music, porcelain and glass clinking]

[static from various fears in the background]

[sounds of chairs being moved and fabric rustling]

**Daisy**

What the-

[rustling of flowers and leaves. The audio becomes clearer]

[Jon, Martin, Tim, Sasha, Basira, Daisy, Melanie and Georgie all groan in unison]

**Daisy**

Seriously? In the table ornament?

**Jon**

Let it be.

[Daisy hands him the tape]

**Georgie**

Can’t believe they invited all of us. Don’t you guys hate each-other?

**Martin**

Nobody can’t stand anybody here. But everyone must to be invited. It’s kind of a… business thing? I mean, the Desolation cult has its own table over there.

[distant sounds of laughter and glasses breaking]

**Georgie**

Ah! So it’s like in fairy tales! If you don’t invite the evil fairy, she’ll put a curse on you.

**Martin**

Yeah!

**Tim**

I know we just arrived, but is it too early to drink?

**Sasha**

The bar’s right next to us. Elias knows us so well!

**Daisy**

(sighs) How long do we have to stay?

**Melanie**

I wanna know that too.

**Jon**

We should stay at least a couple of hours to shut Elias up.

**Georgie**

I heard the cake is good, though.

**Jon**

It is! It always is. They secured a good pastry chef.

**Daisy**

Oh, I am _not_ staying until the cake is served.

**Basira**

Daisy, come on…

**Daisy**

What?

**Basira**

We never go anywhere anymore.

**Daisy**

We go to the bar!

**Basira**

Yes, but…When was the last wedding we went to together? When we got to get a little _fancier_? I mean, I haven’t seen you wear your suit in ages!

**Daisy**

What’s wrong with the bar?

**Basira**

(sighs)

**Tim**

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m getting drinks. What do you want?

**Martin**

We’ll let you chose.

**Melanie**

Something strong. So we forget where we are.

[laughter from all of them]

[click]

[click]

[sounds of drinks being poured and glasses clinking]

**Martin**

(to the waiter) Thank you! (to the table, raising his glass) To Elias and Peter’s seventy-fifth wedding! May this one last at least a little longer so we don't have to do this for a while!

**Everyone**

Cheers!

[sipping and glasses being put down]

**Tim**

Damn, this is weaker than I thought.

**Jon**

(holding back coughing) Yeah…

**Melanie**

When are the appetizers coming? I’m already bored.

**Sasha**

(suddenly) Gerry!

[sounds of steps coming closer through]

**Gerard**

Hey!

[sounds of joy from everyone]

**Gerard**

Can I sit at your table?

**Sasha**

Sure!

[Gerry steals a chair from an empty table and sits on it]

**Gerard**

The party just started and mom’s already arguing with Leitner.

**Martin**

How’s your dad?

**Gerard**

Good! He’s hanging out on the terrace with Gertrude, I think.

**Tim**

I’m surprised he got invited, with the whole… you know… quitting.

**Gerard**

We got invited, so he decided to come too. Said it might be “fun”. Okay…

**Georgie**

It will be! Come one! It’s a wedding!

**Gerard**

First time?

**Georgie**

Huh?

**Jon**

It’s Georgie’s first wedding, yes.

**Gerard**

You’ll want to refill that glass, then.

[click]

[click]

[upbeat music, sounds of laughter in the background]

**Jon**

I think I’m drunk…

**Basira**

Damn it, Jon, we can’t take you anywhere!

**Jon**

(giggling)

[sounds of a phone buzzing]

[Tim answers it]

**Tim**

Hello?... It’s loud here, I can’t hear you… I don’t know! I don’t know, look for it!... You used to live there, how did you already forget where everything is? God damn it, look for it! You still got hands and eyes!... I literally can’t hear, text me or something! Bye! Okay, bye! (sighs)

**Sasha**

Was it Dan?

**Tim**

Yeah. He’s bored and when he’s bored, he picks on me.

**Martin**

Why didn’t you bring him too?

**Tim**

(scoffs) He’s not getting anywhere near the circus ever again. Especially if there’s a bar. He’s weaker than Jon.

**Jon**

(giggles)(pause)(realization) Hey…

[click]

[click]

[upbeat music, Sasha humming along, sounds of cutlery clinking against plates]

**Daisy**

The couple’s trash, but at least the food is good!

**Sasha**

I wanna go daaance! Let’s gooo! I’m bored of sitting down!

**Basira**

Oh God, you’re drunk too now.

**Sasha**

It’s a wedding!

**Gerard**

That’s how liquor tricks you. You take a sip and think “Huh. This isn’t that strong. I can drink more!” and before you know it you’re shitfaced on the dance floor with no shirt on. How do you think I got all these tattoos? Wedding number 69.

**Tim**

Nice.

**Georgie**

Nice.

**Melanie**

Nice.

**Sasha**

So who wants to go dance?

**Jon**

I do.

**Sasha**

Hell yeah!

**Basira**

Somebody please supervise them.

**Martin**

I’ll go…

**Basira**

Thank you, Martin.

**Georgie**

I need to go to the bathroom…

**Melanie**

Let’s go.

[click]

[click]

[sounds of muffled music coming from the other room]

**Melanie**

Damn. This bathroom is prettier than my former apartment…

**Georgie**

We should take a picture by this wall! Let’s go get the other girls too!

[sounds of a toilet flushing, followed by a stall door opening]

**Annabelle**

Hello!

**Georgie**

Oh, uh, hi!

**Melanie**

Hello…?

**Annabelle**

I’m Annabelle!

**Melanie**

_Oh_. Yeah, uh, there are some statements about you…

**Annabelle**

(laughing) I know! So how are you enjoying the wedding so far?

[sounds of tap water running and hands being washed]

**Georgie**

It’s nice! We’re having fun!

[awkward silence]

**Georgie**

Um… I don’t mean to be rude, but…

**Annabelle**

Yes?

**Georgie**

Does that hurt? It looks painful…

**Annabelle**

(feeling the side of her head) Sometimes when the weather changes. Otherwise it’s like it’s not even there!

**Georgie**

Oh… cool!

**Annabelle**

It’s been nice meeting you two!

[Annabelle goes to open the door but Basira on the other side flings it open. Annabelle and Basira walk past each-other without saying anything]

**Melanie**

What’s wro-

**Basira**

Jon and Sasha are seriously drunk.

[sounds of uproarious cheering coming from the dance floor]

**Georgie**

Oh no…

**Basira**

We have to- (pause)… Is that a tape?!

**Melanie**

What?! Where?

**Basira**

There!

**Melanie**

Eww!! What the _fuck_!

[Melanie brags the tape and chucks it]

[clicks off right before impact]

[click]

[sounds of applause and cheering going down. Jon and Sasha are laughing as Martin and Daisy carry them back to their seats]

**Sasha**

(slurred) I’m the motherfucking boss!

**Basira**

Is everyone okay?

**Georgie**

What happened?

**Martin**

Sasha and Jon and some others played that game where you do pushups with a glass on your back-

**Jon**

(interrupts him, very loud) And she _beat_ their _ass_!

**Sasha**

Yeaaah!

[they high-five, but miss, making them laugh even more]

**Melanie**

Uh-huh, so that’s why you’re drenched and stinking.

**Jon**

_You_ stink.

[Jon tries to grab someone else’s glass. A choir of “no! no! no!” from various people as they reach to stop him]

**Sasha**

You guys need to let loose!

**Tim**

I agree!

**Martin**

_Please_ don’t encourage them. We can’t be having this.

**Jon**

Mahtin… Your eyes are really pretty, y’know?

**Martin**

(flustered silence)

**Tim**

Mmmh-hmmm.

Georgie

Let’s go to the terrace. The cold air will wake them up.

[click]

[click]

[sounds of distant music and of distant traffic, people talking and lighting cigarettes]

**Simon**

Oh! Hello!

**Mike**

Oh, no…

[Martin, Daisy, Basira, Tim and Gerard drag Jon and Sasha to an empty couch, followed by Melanie and Georgie]

**Jon**

(offended) It’s cold here!

**Daisy**

Shut up and behave.

**Sasha**

(raising hands up in mock surrender) Ooh! So scary!

**Simon**

Hello, guys!

**Martin**

Let’s go back inside.

**Mike**

How’s the party?

**Gerard**

Good, as you can see!

**Basira**

Georgie, Melanie…

**Georgie**

Yeah?

**Basira**

Was that in the bathroom Annabelle Cain?

**Melanie**

Yeah!

**Georgie**

She was really nice, though!

**Mike**

Wait. Annabelle’s here?

**Georgie**

Yeah, we saw her in the bathroom.

**Simon**

That’s odd. Elias said she isn’t invited after the prank she pulled last wedding.

**Gerard**

(holding back laughter) I remember!

**Tim**

So we have a wedding crasher? Fun!

**Jon**

I’m cold…

**Daisy**

Well, you shouldn’t have been doing pushups with a beer glass filled to the brim. Can you even do pushups with how scrawny you are?

**Jon**

(scoffs)

**Martin**

Who else wasn’t invited? We didn’t really look around.

**Melanie**

We just arrived and started drinking, heh.

**Simon**

Good strategy! Let’s see… The extended Lukas family was invited but the majority of it didn’t come, you can imagine. John Amherst and Jane Prentiss declined, they’re going to a wedding anniversary in France, if I understood correctly.

**Tim**

Thank God…

**Simon**

The Han family is providing the catering. They’re busy in the kitchen, so you won’t see them much on the dancefloor. And… that’s about it, really. Everyone came. Even the Circus and the Church of the Divine Host.

**Melanie**

It’s weird. This… whole wedding business.

**Simon**

Oh, think of it as the Olympic games in the past! All nations stopped their wars in order to participate and celebrate. Constantly fighting gets tedious after a while, but so does peace. And Peter and Elias’ weddings happen often enough to keep everyone in balance.

**Martin**

Wait. So that’s why they divorce and remarry all the time?

**Simon**

Oh, no! That’s just how they are. The universe works in strange ways, however. Everything manages to line up, as _you_ can _see_!

[only Simon laughs at his joke]

[click]

[click]

**Jon**

Martin… Mahtin…

**Martin**

Yes, Jon?

**Jon**

I’m cold.

**Martin**

(laughs) I imagine! You’re soaked and sitting outside.

**Jon**

Hold me to warm up.

**Martin**

Wh-What?!

**Jon**

Hold me, Martin.

**Martin**

Jon, stop it. Y-You’re drunk.

**Jon**

(voice trembling) Martin, please…

**Martin**

(sighs) Jon…

**Jon**

(crying) I knew it… You hate me…

**Martin**

What?!

**Tim**

Martin, what did you do?

**Martin**

N-Nothing!

**Georgie**

Why is he crying?

**Jon**

(crying louder) Martin hates me!

**Martin**

I-I don’t! Jon, stop it!

Jon

(in-between sobs and hiccups) You hate me, Martin! And I don’t blame you! I’m a dick! I’m a dick to you all the time, you are right to hate me. I’m the worst…

**Martin**

Jon…

**Jon**

What the fuck is wrong with me?... I got drunk like an idiot who can’t hold his liquor (wheeze) and now I’m making you feel bad… I’m the worst of the worst… No surprise that y’all hate me, I hate me too… Jane and her worms should have gobbled me up…

**Martin**

Jon, don’t say that!

**Jon**

They should have went munchy munch on me…

**Martin**

Nobody hates you, Jon. I promise I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. Please stop crying.

**Jon**

Munch munch yummy archivist munch crunch…

**Martin**

Please stop…

**Jon**

This party _sucks_!

**Sasha**

I wanna go home, I’m freezing over here!

**Basira**

Geogie, getting fresh air didn’t work. What do we do now?

**Georgie**

(sighs)

[click]

[click]

[distant sounds of applause and tapping plates]

**Gerard**

Looks like it’s time for the toast.

**Simon**

Shit! I’m supposed to do that!

[Simon runs back inside]

**Daisy**

Let’s go too, it’s cold here.

**Sasha**

What have I been moaning about?!

**Mike**

Guys, tell me what Jon and Sasha drank. I’m no sitting through Simon’s speech sober.

**Martin**

Let’s go, Jon.

**Jon**

You don’t hate me, Martin?

**Martin**

Of course not!

**Jon**

Okay…(sniff)(giggle) I don’t hate you either.

[silence]

**Daisy**

Are you coming or not?

[click]

[click]

[sounds of people settling down, quiet murmur, Simon is given a microphone]

**Simon**

Good evening, everyone! Welcome back!

[laughter]

**Simon**

Lots of new faces as well as beloved old ones! I hope everyone is having as much of a good time as the archival team! The Hans have yet to disappoint with their service, as these two’s weddings have yet to stop coming!

[laughter and clapping]

**Simon**

Being the best man doesn’t pay well, but it’s a steady job with these two!

[louder laughter and a “wooh!” in the distance]

**Simon**

Ahaha, but on a serious note, I’m glad to be here. In all honesty, my fellow servants of the Vast are like a family to me and nothing makes me happier than all of us being gathered in one place, especially if it’s a celebration. And so are all of you to me. I can see you not agreeing, but in my opinion, it is true. We are all one big, dysfunctional family of fear-mongering monsters. So, a normal family!

[laughter]

**Simon**

Yes, we all have our differences and our own goals, but we can set them aside every once in a while to gather together and rejoice in a power perhaps stronger than any fear – love. Love had been keeping these two bastards together for centuries! No quarrel is strong enough to permanently separate them. Even if they are mad at one-another, they would never stop loving each-other. Just like our patrons keep us under their wings and helped us meet our new families, Elias and Peter’s love for one another will always keep them together. They may fight and divorce, but we can be certain they will get back together sooner or later. And we shall all gather again and celebrate, eat and drink and laugh, for one night all under the same power, perhaps the scariest of all, that we all share among one another, be it with friends, lovers, or family – **love**. Regardless of who will manage to complete their ritual, love will always be among us, and even in the scariest of times, we will _still_ receive invitations to their wedding, I’m sure of it! A toast for the grooms! And may the next wedding be even grander!

[cheering and clapping]

[click]

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> 


End file.
